I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
