Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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