I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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