I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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