She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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