smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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