Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
