ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
