jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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