Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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