Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
