You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
