Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
