I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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