Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
