Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
