When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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