Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
