she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
