I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
