They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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