So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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