and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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