Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
