Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
