We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
