shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
420 ftw
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
its liver damage thursday
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
