OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
