I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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