Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
