I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
