we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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