he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
