I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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