There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
