Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
