but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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