ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
