new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
