How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
