Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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