If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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