I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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