just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
