The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
