Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
