Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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