i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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