the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
