update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
