Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
