Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
