there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
