This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
